Kids Say The Darndest Things

Forgive me Father, for I have sinned… Ok, maybe I haven’t sinned but I feel like I’m in confession and haven’t been for a while. It has been a while since I last made an entry and I thought that comparing my blog to a confessional might be fitting, given the topic.

I have had the kids at Vacation Bible School all this week and it seemed to be going well. Spencer, my autistic son, has been somewhat well behaved compared to some of the other kids his age. He is prone to sudden outbursts of speech or laughter but he doesn’t mean anything by what he does, he’s innocent in the purest sense of the word. He loves everything and everyone, often having hugs and kisses for complete strangers. This usually is met with looks of bewilderment and surprise, sometimes uncertainty if the person is young. Then I have to try to explain that he has autism and that this is his way of communicating; he has a lot of love and wants to share it with everyone. I have explained to most of the kids in his class that Spencer has autism and told them what autism is. They are understanding of his special needs and are rather accepting for the most part. They have asked me questions about Spencer and his condition and I have tried to answer them to the best of my abilities so that they will understand that while Spencer may act differently from them, he is not scary or out-of-control. That being said, he still gets looks from the other children if he is disruptive but they know I’m there to try and keep him quiet and focused on the task at hand.

However, I was troubled by a comment from one of Spencer’s “peers” at Bible Camp, and I use quotations because I really don’t consider this little boy to be Spencer’s peer, even though I consider the rest of the kids to be his peers. This little boy is mean to other kids, pushes and shoves, bullies, and is an all-around little troublemaker. So why do I care what he thinks?

We were all sitting around tables in one of the classrooms at camp the other day and this little boy was observing Spencer’s behaviour. To anyone who doesn’t know how an autistic child acts, they can seem a little strange, and frightening. This boy went one step further and surmised that Spencer is much worse than this: “He’s psychotic!”, the boy said. Now, the first time I heard him say this, I didn’t believe what I heard and just dismissed it and said to myself that he must have said something completely different. Then today he said it again.

Now, I’ve already said that Spencer is innocent in every sense of the word and he is sweet and kind to everyone. He doesn’t know that people see him differently than they see a “typical” person (with a “typical” person being someone who does not have autism). It breaks my heart to know that people view him as something akin to a misfit because they could completely insult him to his face and he’d still smile and try to hug them. He just doesn’t understand that humans have it within themselves to be hateful and disrespectful. This just so happens to be one of the reasons why we homeschool him, so that he will not be exposed to such torment and ridicule. He’s not equipped to protect himself from such onslaughts, especially since they are not warranted. But I digress…

“He’s crazy… he’s psychotic!”

Now imagine this coming out of the mouth of a 6 year old. A 6 year old said this of another 6 year old… at Bible Camp. For the last four days we have been teaching these kids about Jesus and how he cared and loved for his fellow man, how he gave them gifts and healed them. Yet for all we have taught, this little boy has it in his head that my son is crazy. Strange isn’t it? I was speechless. Thinking about it I should have said to him that the bible says “judge not lest ye be judged”. When the shock and utter disbelief of what he said finally wore off I said to him that Spencer has autism and it makes him act differently than everyone else. Normal to Spencer isn’t normal to everyone else, that’s why he is acts differently. I said that it doesn’t make him crazy just because he’s different. Actually, I wanted to slap the kid. I never would strike him, but his comments stirred in me the torment that I went through as a child because I was fat. It’s like comparing apples to oranges, fatness to autism, but the basic concept of torment is the same. I’m sure my parental instinct is also strongly to blame for me wanting to hit that little boy. Spencer is my son and come hell or high water I will protect him from anything that threatens him, whether that harm comes in physical form or emotional form.

And my son was not the only target of this little boy. He has a friend named Elliott whom he treats poorly: he pushes him, hits him, and today he even spat on him. Yet Elliott keeps coming back, sitting next to him and giving him attention. I feel sorry for Elliot that he puts up with the boy’s behaviour. A young child should not have to be exposed to such a person, especially one who is supposedly a friend. I think the phrase “wolf in sheep’s clothing” fits this situation…

I feel even more sorry for the little boy. I wonder what could have happened to him that made him the way he is. What kind of home life must he have that he feels it necessary to ridicule and torment another child? Who has taught him that this is acceptable??

There was one shining moment in all of this though. The little girl sitting across from Spencer, Molli, spoke up and defended Spencer. She told the boy that Spencer’s not crazy, that he has autism, and she continued to defend him for several minutes while I was searching for the right words and trying not to snap and slap him for insulting my son. It warmed my heart and I must admit that my eyes did water up a little. I don’t know if Molli will ever understand just how much her little gesture of kindness towards Spencer meant so much to me, just as Spencer will never understand why Molli was sticking up for him. He doesn’t understand how or why people are mean to each other; it is a concept that is completely foreign to him.

One final thought in closing. As Elliott and the little boy were shoving back and forth in the hallway between classes, Spencer went up to them and tried to break them up saying “Stop it, stop it!”. After they were split up, Spencer went to Elliott and touched his arm, his way of consoling him. I’m sure he would have done the same to the little boy had Elliott been to blame for the fight. That’s what truly breaks my heart: knowing that Spencer will be kind and loving to everyone, even after they call him crazy or laugh at him or ridicule him. I fear that his innocence will forever be lost due to children like Andrew. Spencer is far too young to defend himself from such a child and he is far too precious to be exposed to such behaviour. I know that there are a lot of ignorant people in the world and Spencer will have to deal with them all in time; I’m just glad he only has one more day to deal with Andrew. It’s a shame that one bad child has soured my experience this week. At least Spencer is enjoying himself… after all, that’s what’s important, not what people think of Spencer.